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How to tell my friend to pay attention to her table manners? Reward $2
Created by hellen, 2017 days ago, 8435 views

My friend has bad table manners, I can't stand to eat with her any more. how to tell my friend to pay more attention to her table manners that can't make her feel angry or shame?
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√ Best Answer


atreasurehunter2016 days ago

Hello hellen. What I suggest for you to do is to talk calmly to your friend. Express to her exactly how you feel about her table manners and how you wish for her to change. Remember to do it a calm manner, do not get agressive with your friend :)

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Nur_iffah2017 days ago

Hello, Awkward-eers!

I got this great question recently, and I don’t know how to answer it. I’m pretty sure that no one wants to have their table manners critiqued or have to critique the table manners of another adult, so it’s definitely awkward if it becomes necessary to have this conversation with a loved one. Maybe something like “I’ve noticed you don’t put your napkin in your lap when we sit down, is there a reason?” is the answer? Or, for actual serious gross manners violations, “You probably don’t realize this since you can’t see yourself, but you chew with your mouth open sometimes.” Maybe there should be Periodic Table Manners Review With Trusted Friends as we age? But beyond that…I don’t know how I’d bring it up. Does anyone have any experience with this or good advice for the letter writer?

Here’s a fairly straightforward question but one whose answer could be helpful to lots of people, myself among them. In a recent post you advise an anxious soon-to-be-partygoer that if she isn’t sure she has great table manners, to get together with a trusted friend and get feedback.

So…what’s the best way to give someone feedback when you’ve noticed that their table manners are not awesome? I dated someone for a long time who was generally a great and considerate and well-mannered guy, but chewed with his mouth open (not so much that you saw his food, but the lip smacking was pretty loud and pretty gross). The thing I’ve noticed with my current sweetheart (also great, considerate and well-mannered) is that he never, ever puts his napkin on his lap during meals, even when we’re in a nice place with a group of people who are all doing this. I don’t even really know if this considered a matter of etiquette or just a best practice that was drilled into my klutzy self from early childhood on.

Actually, that’s kind of the thing. Most of the time if I think someone has crossed a line manners-wise I find it pretty easy to correct them, making my argument from empathy (“How would you feel if someone came to your house for dinner a lot and never contributed to the feast? Groceries and alcohol can be very expensive and I wish you’d help out”) but table manners are different. Yeah, if you spit on the table and eat salad with your hands and then lick the dressing off your thumbs, or just go to the john before placing your order in a sit-down restaurant, that’s pretty inconsiderate, but when it comes to more subtle table manners violations, people aren’t likely to get grossed out or offended so much as they are to think the person in question kind of a slob. I mean, I’m not sure anyone’s feelings are getting hurt because my fellow doesn’t consider himself a sloppy enough eater to put a napkin down.

I just don’t want anyone to think my perfectly lovely boyfriend was born in a barn. I don’t want anyone I care about to get passed over for a great opportunity because he or she slurped wine too loudly over lunch with a professional contact. OK, that and I just think it’s a little weird and embarrassing. It doesn’t help that both of the men I used as examples above come from pretty working class backgrounds, and so did I — like, my father didn’t know the difference between fortified wine and aged wine until I told him a couple of years ago. But talking about it that way makes me feel a little like the lady from the Scottish play (old theater nerds never die, something something). And the fact that women are so often portrayed as/expected to be the gatekeepers of gentility in this world annoys the ever living shit out of me. I don’t need or want my partner to know which kind of fork to use and which course is supposed to go in which order in a million-part meal. But the stuff that people do pay attention to, even if it’s a tad arbitrary — how do I talk about it without sounding like a jerkass concern troll? Under what circumstances does one just let these things slide?

– Something In My Teeth

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SetupComputer2016 days ago


Just show her your table manners. Be consistent in showing it to her. You know, you should never lose a friend just because of a bad habit. Maybe, your display of manners can indirectly tell her about her problem. I don't know if you can tell her straightforward without hurting her feelings.

If I may ask, are you of the same heritage? I mean, people from different cultures have different ways of conducting themselves. You might think what a person is doing is wrong based on your own perspective, but that person doesn't find any injury about his/her action because that's normal to them. You should be more open-minded about that. People have differences, and friends know how to understand and respect differences.

Personally, I don't find it offensive even if my friend doesn't use a spoon, fork, chopsticks, etc., even if he/she uses bare hands while eating. Maybe, you should take it positively. You won't show your true colors to a stranger. Because she considers you a friend, she finds it comfortable enough to show her true colors, and somewhat, you should be glad about that.

I hope this helps you. :)

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nino20182016 days ago

You should have about table manners indirectly
In order not to upset you
Tell him that doing these etiquette ideology and benefit
Table manners are
The dining table is an important place makes the child acquires the behavior of table manners, good habits that children learn from an early age is the foundation of decent behavior in the community. It can be bad habits on the table that seriously impede the success of the individual. If we do not start teaching our children good behavior since childhood, it will be difficult for them to learn later, this was confirmed by an expert etiquette and courtesy «etiquette» Mai Abdul Aziz Al-Sudairy. It advises parents to observe and abide by the following apply:
Dining table should be quiet and clean and tidy place.
When the child shows his desire to eat his food alone, it is best that the parents teach him the proper way to use spoon and Qdha.
Boys usually starts Mlakthm upside down and maintenance of heart Qdham so that efforts appear to teach them eating a waste of Oukt.ohna, parents should not despair, a child likes to throw Bsahnh on the ground or to spit in his food! But, parents can ask their children understand them and that this method is not good to act on the table.
If the child smeared his face with cream or chocolate For parents not to laugh and show him that he Zarif.
If parents failed attempts and continued lack of respect for the child's table manners, in special cases, you can book a child dish and send it to bed even understand the intent of it.
Over time, the child will be able to get used to be clean and tidy on the table and to chew his food and his lips Mtbaktin.
If the child from eating his food before the others ended, he must request permission before leaving the table. If the act eloquent on the table must be rejected Taouidh that etiquette on the table is the price paid to enjoy the privilege of joining the adult while eating.
Young people must always remember that sit upright on their chairs without swing or lean on the table,
And avoid meditation in the dish to grab a larger piece of meat.
The need for the closure of the TV during family eating food.
Should not force a child to eat a large amount of food, but we have to allow him to leave the table when he says that he has satiation, it must be remembered that the child is smaller than our stomach stomach, so it deals with less food.
The child must accustom to respect the laws of his food on the table from the age of three years, as it has to have his food on the table with the entire family, and not to leave the table while eating the food was attached to his mother or maid feed him for a walk around the house.
The child must accustom to eat at home on a daily basis, and that does not eat at the restaurant only once a week.
It is necessary that the child respects the rules and etiquette while eating, whether there were guests on the table or not.
It is essential that children of parents involved at the dinner table when relatives attend for lunch or dinner, participation of the presence of relatives of the child to develop his social spirit

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Olpers2016 days ago

Hey Hellen,

The Information below is what I have got:

*You should be close enought to teach her manners. I do not know how STRONG is your friendship

*Never tell about manners infront of her family members/friends/relatives, It will hurt her

*Use nice tone when telling her to learn manners

*Tell her boys do not like ill-mannered girls (In joke--tell her different jokes on ill-mannered eatings)

* You said "I can't stand to eat with her any more" which is wrong. You should keep eating with her. NEVER leave good teachings when people do'nt leave their bad habits. It will effect long term perhaps.

*Call her to your home. Only you and her eating.first ask her to not to get angry,then tell her politely about how people feel when someone eats without manners .Tell her to look at you and teach her

*Also take a mirror when she is alone and eating. Show her face/fingers to herself.You can also capture her picture when she is eating and show her but .DO NOT POST HER PICTURE ON FB/TWIITER AND NEVER SHOW IT TO OTHERS.

Hope it Helps

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azzromyo2016 days ago

Hi @Hellen

tell your friend these steps :

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kinzy20042016 days ago

Make a contest between two little kids or you and another friend and let her be the judge or an observer tell all what you want to your friend and let her watch and she will think of wot she do wrong that's the most indirect way away of blaming.

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alvindgreat2016 days ago

HI @hellen.

What kind of table manners are you referring to?
Anyways, people are different from nation to nation and person to person. Here in my country, we do love food so much. In provinces and poor locality, we do not use spoon and fork. We eat in bare hands while we sit with our feet up in the chair. In picnics or with friends, we eat with bare hands too. We use banana leaves as plates. We eat under a shade of a tree. There is a certain kind of happiness when you experience those one.
I personally feel comportable to someone I consider friend when I eat with them. Sometimes, I don't use spoon, forks or chopsticks. I don't get offended when someone does the same to me. When you've got a friend, it means you are comfortable to one another. The secret to happiness in the table while eating is getting comportable. Don't be too formal or too cozy all the time. It's not good to lose a friend due to her bad table manners. Personally, I would be glad if someone is comportable with me while eating in the same table. You should be glad to and accept the differences too.

Of course things change when you are in a formal gathering or social restaurants in a cozy event, where you will be judged by someone based on your table etiquette. It is good to know the situation too. Having with you the proper table etiquette is a requisite. And I believe your friend has it too. But, I don't know a tip on how to tell her about her bad table manners you are referring to without hurting her feelings. I guarantee you she'll get offended.
However, as the saying goes "Actions speak louder than words".
I suggest that you tell her with your actions indirectly. Show her how to properly behave in the table. Be consistent. Talk to her about the food, the ambiance and the beauty of the event you are in while showing her the proper way to conduct oneself while eating. Make her observe, and mind you; time will come that she will mimic your table manners. She'll learn to change her bad table manners and she'll be so much thankful to you about it. This way, you save the friendship and you teach her the best possible way on how to manage herself in the table.

I hope it helps you @hellen. Select me best answer if you find these relevant and helpful.

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g1000A2015 days ago

well. there is two why. first using facts. like telling her but In an indirect way. like saying that this actor died because he eats to fast . and eating fast makes you live less. or like: did you know did you remember when start eating like that - she say yes- well that reminded me of that disney character ... you should stop doing that.)something like this -just don't get to the point make her understand in by not telling her in the face) and the other way is to make it fun : like create a game where the one that makes more mistakes has to add pepper to his food . make it in a way that she enjoys knowing she has to Change

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ZzMrXzZ2014 days ago

Tell her an unreal story about a wife getting killed by her husband just because of bad table manners like her.

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beatrix2013 days ago

Hi @hellen Honesty is the best policy and a friend (good friend) tells your weaknesses in front of you rather than talk about it behind your back.
My suggestion is be honest to your friend. Tell her in the most appropriate and reasonable way about your observation and teach her the proper way to conduct oneself during meal time.
I really think she will not be offended if you tell her your observations in front of her and be honest with it. She will thank you and appreciate your concern in the process.
I just pray that the issue will be fixed and the both of you will continue to be very best of friends.
Good luck with that.

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Mustapha_Whinge2010 days ago

Vewwwy, Vewwwy cawwwfully
Or yu will not have her as your fwwwiend.

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ahmadzamru2010 days ago


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igor2009 days ago

If your friend did not respect her, then he does not respect you.

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WolfCrates2004 days ago

wow look at all these complicated answers.

lol real answer is just straight up tell her what you feel but not too harsh.

sure she's gonna be sore about it at first but SHES NOT YOUR BABY. shes like you, she can make her own decisions, choose her own friends, be what she wants to be. people are like "ohhh you can change her totally by doing this this that." and post .. lroflmao.. freaking anime picture of a BABY LOL XD.

lol thats bullshit if i ever heard one. you have to tell her, thats your role as a good friend. and whether she wants to take your suggestion or not is completely up to her as a human being who can make their own decision. on your part. you should accept her as what she chose to be.

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